I watch squirrels outside my home office window all day long. I see lots of birds, but many of them are brown, black or gray. The red and blue ones really stand out. Anything of color stands out. A bright orange fox walked by my window and it was quite shocking. The leaves are not yet back on the trees, so the woods are still largely monochromatic. The fox was as big as a medium-sized dog with a bushy tail. I had never seen a fox in these woods before.
I have read stories about the cleanliness of hotel rooms. Well, actually they were about the lack of cleanliness of hotel rooms. And it doesn’t matter how much the room costs or how many stars it has received, you should probably keep your socks on when walking on the carpet. Nicer hotels have bathrobes hanging in the closets, and I stayed in one of those hotels. As I was doing my final check to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything behind, I regretted that I didn’t have a chance to wear the bathrobe. Upon further reflection, that was probably an okay thing.
Spring began with snow. It was not the feet of snow that fell in the Northeast, but I ran through heavy snowfall in the morning. It barely stuck to the grass and by lunchtime it was gone.
You know those underemployed people who stand on the corners of apartment complexes or retail centers trying to implore motorists to turn in? Often they are spinning an arrow-shaped sign with a few words of bold copy. The best of these people spin, rotate and toss these signs in ways that cannot help but attract attention. I have encountered the worst of these. One guy had the sign tucked under his arm and was checking his phone. Another one stood motionless with the sign locked against his hip. And finally I saw an old man who just didn’t have the enthusiasm or energy for the job. He wore the same style cap and cardigan sweater that my grandfather used to wear in over-air conditioned restaurants. He probably had the strongest work ethic of the bunch, but none of these guys were really up to the task. We are in a time when unemployment is so low that you can’t even find a qualified arrow spinner.
Two words that are nearly identical are numerous and humorous. They are different by just two letters and there is nothing similar about their meanings. They are similar in structure alone, which causes them to rhyme. This makes them a helpful pair for songwriting and poetry.
Do finger nail clippers really need directions on the package? Litigation prevention or are there really people who need to be told “nails should be cut into an oval shape and should extend slightly beyond fingertip to protect this sensitive area?”
Sometimes when you mis-read a sign the mistaken words are much better than the actual ones. A donut shop had a violet sugar donut, which certainly sounds interesting. I read it as violent sugar. That sounds like an awesome flavor favored by goth kids or punk rockers.
“Why do you have to keep taking selfies? Don’t you know what you look like by now?”
“They’re for Instagram.”
“Doesn’t Instagram know what you look like by now?”
“Just one more.”
“Ow, you just hit me in the head. If you’re not careful, you’ll make me drive off the road.”
“Give me that.”
“Here’s your phone back.”
“Really? You threw it out the window?”
If I were part of an alien race and I wanted to constantly monitor the human race, here’s what I would do. I would embed small cameras in the roads, sidewalks, trails, hallways, anywhere that people walk, run, ride or drive. While this may sound like a massive undertaking to us – not just the placement of these cameras, but also watching all this footage – it would not be anything at all to a society that managed to get all the way to Earth.