Communal Bathrobe

I have read stories about the cleanliness of hotel rooms. Well, actually they were about the lack of cleanliness of hotel rooms. And it doesn’t matter how much the room costs or how many stars it has received, you should probably keep your socks on when walking on the carpet. Nicer hotels have bathrobes hanging in the closets, and I stayed in one of those hotels. As I was doing my final check to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything behind, I regretted that I didn’t have a chance to wear the bathrobe. Upon further reflection, that was probably an okay thing.

A Collection of Unenthusiastic Arrow Spinners

You know those underemployed people who stand on the corners of apartment complexes or retail centers trying to implore motorists to turn in? Often they are spinning an arrow-shaped sign with a few words of bold copy. The best of these people spin, rotate and toss these signs in ways that cannot help but attract attention. I have encountered the worst of these. One guy had the sign tucked under his arm and was checking his phone. Another one stood motionless with the sign locked against his hip. And finally I saw an old man who just didn’t have the enthusiasm or energy for the job. He wore the same style cap and cardigan sweater that my grandfather used to wear in over-air conditioned restaurants. He probably had the strongest work ethic of the bunch, but none of these guys were really up to the task. We are in a time when unemployment is so low that you can’t even find a qualified arrow spinner.

This Should Be the Fate of All Selfie Sticks

“Why do you have to keep taking selfies? Don’t you know what you look like by now?”
“They’re for Instagram.”
“Doesn’t Instagram know what you look like by now?”
“Just one more.”
“Ow, you just hit me in the head. If you’re not careful, you’ll make me drive off the road.”
“Give me that.”
“Here’s your phone back.”
“Really? You threw it out the window?”

They Are Watching Us

If I were part of an alien race and I wanted to constantly monitor the human race, here’s what I would do. I would embed small cameras in the roads, sidewalks, trails, hallways, anywhere that people walk, run, ride or drive. While this may sound like a massive undertaking to us – not just the placement of these cameras, but also watching all this footage – it would not be anything at all to a society that managed to get all the way to Earth.